It is impossible to entirely avoid abrupt endings in our lives. Anything can happen at any time. At the same time, I do believe that we can become better at protecting ourselves from those who have a tendency to “Abrupt Departure.” They are not easy to spot- some reveal it in their agitated energy, their inherent volatility, their perpetual inability to sustain connection. Others are more subtle, quietly held, difficult to read. You have to get to know them a little better before you will see it coming. Once you do, it is essential to self-protect. Not because they necessarily have an evil intention- many simply don’t know any other way to deal with and communicate their feelings- but because Abrupt Departure is a trauma that is difficult to recover from. If you have been traumatized by it- in the form of shocking deaths, or unexplained and unprocessed disconnects- it can be difficult for the nervous system to calm down and feel relationally safe. It can be difficult to trust human kindness and connection. The way back is to practice the art of selective attachment- learning how to distinguish between those who can stay in the fire of relatedness, and those who can’t. Because we don’t want to give up on human contact. We just want to make it safer. - Jeff Brown