Is Washington State the worst Pac-10 team ever?

Forget Washington D.C., bailout package needed in state of Washington By Chris Fowler ESPN.com

Bailout Package

Can the Pac-10 construct a Wall Street-style bailout package for the group that needs it most in these troubled times? That would be Washington. The state, that is.

The Washington State Cougars, a once-proud program, has sunk into desperate times. The Cougars have surrendered 60-plus points four times, a first in major college football. In retrospect, it seems miraculous that Wazzu held Oklahoma State's mighty offense to a mere 39 points in the opener.

Stanford's struggling offense seems unlikely to hit the 6-oh Saturday, but you never know against WSU.

I'm not mean-spirited. I know college athletes don't want to be pitied. But I do feel sorry for the players and for rookie coach Paul Wulff and his staff. He inherited a mess from Bill Doba.

It's not that the cupboard is bare at Wazzu. There is no cupboard. There may be some lumber around to build one, but it hasn't been found.

Washington State's level of talent and level of play is so low that it has become a serious embarrassment to the conference. Throw in the winless year over in Seattle that cost Tyrone Willingham his job at Washington, and I am not sure if worse college football has been played in one state since 1987's Sunflower State classic, when Kansas State tied Kansas, 17-17, with the 'Cats finishing the year 0-10-1 and the Jayhawks 1-9-1.

So here's the bailout plan:
1. Expand the scholarship limit for the Cougs and Huskies from 85 back to 95.
2. Offer generous tax incentives for families of the blue-chip players who want to stay in-state and support their local programs, instead of shipping out south of the (state) border.
3. Redistribute the wealth in the Pac-10 by taxing the rich and forcing other schools to ship some of their players north to help the disadvantaged Washington programs. The super-rich (USC) would have to send three freaks-in-waiting to each team. At least one skill player would have to be part of the bailout package. Heck, Pete wouldn't even miss them.

Oregon, Oregon State, Cal, and Arizona would have to send two guys to each team. Stanford, UCLA, and Arizona State would be taxed just one player for each program. The Sun Devils have clearly slipped in to this lower tax bracket by dropping off the top of Camelback Mountain lately. So, that's 14 live bodies each donated to the cause of rebuilding the Cougars and Huskies. It's a start.

Things have gone from bad to worse for Paul Wulff at Washington State.
Just like on Wall Street, other painful steps will have to be taken. Cuts must be made. Washington must be rescued from its naked ambition. Next season's date with LSU must be cancelled. Ditto for 2010's scheduled collisions with BYU and Nebraska. The Huskies have an enormous deficit of talent that would even make "W" blush. The next administration will inherit it. These cuts are necessary for the short term health and growth of the program.

Washington State has not been as guilty of taking on more foreign (nonconference) debt than it can possibly handle. But the planned junket to San Antonio next year to face Notre Dame is an earmark that has to be looked at. Isn't Portland State, a more prudent option, available?

An emergency measure could be to eliminate the Cougs' finale in Hawaii this season. It takes away some of the drama of the Apple Cup.

By the way, the final part of the bailout plan is to roll back the rules for the Apple Cup to the pre-overtime era. A fitting conclusion would be a 17-17 tie, just like that game 21 years ago in Manhattan, so that neither side has to face another loss.

I know what some of you are thinking: these "spread the wealth" measures are extreme and un-American. They will make the Pac-10 "socialist." In other words, a place where there is no upper crust, just a massive middle class content to get by on equally distributed wealth.

Yes, comrades. We are seeing a glimpse into the future. And it looks a lot like the ACC. Or the Big East.

You do realize the above is a goof, right? I assume so.

But I take no chances in the context-free, irony-free age of blogs and YouTube.