So many of us carry a deep wound around parental neglect or abuse. Some of us carry it so deeply that we are unable to recognize or manifest our magnificence, our reasons for living, the sacred purpose(s) that reside at the core of our being. Intrinsic to these blockages is the core belief that we are unworthy, sourced in our parent(s) behavior. We carry forward the childhood assumption that their unloving behavior was a reflection of our own value. And this is the gravest of mistakes. Because if someone has a child, and is in a state where they are emotionally and circumstantially capable of loving, their natural impulse is not to neglect or abuse. It is to love. It is to support. It is to protect. If they didn’t, it is entirely a reflection of their own challenges, conditioning, circumstances. It doesn’t say a thing about your value. In fact, it has nothing to do with you at all. They just couldn't do any better. They were trapped inside their own unresolved issues. They were lost on their own misguided path. Don't let your life's path be a reflection of their limitations. Walk your own way now... - Jeff Brown

The therapeutic movement puts a lot of emphasis on abuse when it talks about trauma. What is often missing is a dialogue about the traumatic nature of neglect. Both abuse and neglect can have a traumatic impact on the receiver and impede their developmental processes. When a child's needs and presence are ignored, they often experience the neglect as a trauma. With no tools to understand that the parent's neglect is a function of their own issues and challenges, the child has a tendency to assume that they are being neglected because they are unworthy of attention and love: "If the parent doesn't notice me, if the parent doesn't meet my needs, I 'must' be unwelcome on the planet." If this internalization lasts too long, it can congeal into a web of self-hatred that is difficult to overcome. It is difficult to believe in our inherent magnificence if we carry the belief that we are unworthy of love. May we begin to weave a deeper understanding of neglect into our understanding of trauma. If we want children to believe in their value, we have to remind them of it by attuning to them and meeting their needs. Even a comment like "I am sorry I have not been attentive lately- I am overwhelmed- Please don't take it personally" can make a big difference. A little bit of attention goes a long way...- Jeff Brown