The 'everything happens for a reason' mantra emerged as a necessary counter-balance to the idea that we are ALWAYS victims in situations, because, surely, we are not. Sometimes we do play a role in what has been manifest. But, like all polarized mantras, it goes too far in one direction and ignores situations where suffering is needless. Yes, everything happens for a reason, but it’s not always a good one. There is always some degree of misguided action on this planet.

Since we can't determined why something happened to someone else, it’s always better to come from a place of compassion when confronted with someone’s hardship. Let them decide if the reason was a good one. Let them decide if it was a gift.

Blanket statements like: “You are exactly where you are supposed to be” —no matter what someone’s life circumstances and challenges—have become hollow, empty platitudes. Yes, there is no question that we can often learn something of value wherever we are on the path, and yes, we may have, in some situations, attracted the exact challenge that we need to grow, BUT that does not mean that we are ALWAYS where we are supposed to be or that we chose our reality. Sometimes we need a kick in the ass, and sometimes we are just a victim of terrible circumstances. Sometimes our suffering is needless and the result of other people’s wrongdoing. Compassion demands that we hold the space for other’s challenges with a wide open heart. Let them decide if they are exactly where they are supposed to be. - Jeff Brown, Grounded spirituality