I have been emotionally troubled for the past few weeks, and very stressed at times. I have been contemplating whether my decisions in life, and their consequences, will be poor decisions. I have become good at making decisions that cause a lot of pain, and it turns out that even decisions I think are good end up coming back to haunt me. I guess not making any decisions at all would probably be worse, but sometimes I wonder if that is possible.
I think a change of environment will be on the horizon. I don't know how I will sustain my lifestyle as I continue to spread myself more and more thin. I prefer to avoid confrontation and turmoil, but right now it seems that all my relationships are in this state. It is hard to convince myself I am headed in the right direction. I do have a job, a home and a supportive family, on the surface, as well as adult responsibilities. But underneath I am feeling a lot of conflict and concern for where this ship is headed.
I think nobody is happy around me, it seems that everyone is pissed at me. Not just me being crazy either - I think they really are mad at me. Probably a side-effect of me being a bit selfish, and focusing on my needs to exclusion of others. This may be short-sightedness on my part, as the big picture is not looking as good, even though my day-to-day decisions are focused on my own satisfaction.
I guess it is time to take a good long look at how I want to proceed, and then commit to my decision. Operating on a short-term basis seems to be getting me nowhere fast.
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