Listening is a fine art. Our compassion shouldn’t be dependent on whether we can relate to another’s suffering...

There is a kind of narcissism at the heart of some empathic tendencies. I learned this with myself. I had a tendency to lsiten to people's traumatic stories with an empathic ear, trying to relate what they were telling me to my own experience. There was a healthy aspect to this, I was trying to make their stories real for me. But there was a very self-absorbed aspect to this, too. Because if I couldn't empathize, there was a way in which I didn't believe their story to be true. In other words, if I couldn't relate, it wasn't as real for me. And that was the problem. i was making the truthfulness of their story dependent on my personal experience. In other words, it became all about me. Rather than just listening, truly listening, and believing them even if I couldn't relate. Our compassion shouldn't be dependent on whether we can relate to another's suffereing. If it's real for them, it's real. - Jeff Brown