Listening is such a simple way to say, I care. - L.R.Knost

Listening is one of the most powerful tools for connection, and yet most of us don’t do it well.

Many of us “listen” from our own lens, stemming from how we learned to communicate in our first family system.

If we learned we had to fight to be heard when we were growing up, it’s possible that we escalate disagreements or conversations into conflict more often, and more quickly than necessary.

If we learned that our truth was “too much”, we might hold back our honesty or feelings and then victimize ourselves by not setting boundaries or telling people how we really feel.

If we learned that our truth caused anger, we might keep secrets, ghost, hold-back, or avoid conflict all-together, causing confusion, hurt, and mistrust in our present day relationships.

If we learned that we had to compete to have our needs met, we might have a hard time slowing down and truly listening to other people.

We might be overly defensive and feel threatened when other’s share their needs with us because our lens is that they are trying to “dominate the space”, even if this isn’t actually occurring.

These are examples of how we project the past onto our present. Instead of seeing others clearly, we carry our old stories forward and this creates a whole lots of hurt feelings and confusion for all.

There’s nothing to feel ashamed of if you see yourself in this picture because this is something ALL of us do.

But in order to transcend these patterns and learn to really LISTEN, we must be aware of our projections and slow down rather than react.

Listen more than you speak.

Observe yourself in conversations with others. When someone is sharing about themselves, are you cutting them off, finishing their sentence, correcting them, or interrupting to share about you?

Get curious. If you notice energy bubbling up inside - breathe into it and instead of dispersing it through one of the above behaviors, ask the person sharing a question that invites them to go deeper with you.

Feel your heart open as you give what you desire to receive. - L.R. Knost